Yeah, I know it's an oldie, but hey-ho, it's still a wee bit funny...I have no shame....
Technical Support,
18 months ago, I upgraded to GirlFriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run GirlFriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse,GirlFriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and PlayBoy 6.9. Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.
I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and GirlFriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.
I eventually upgraded to Fiancée1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and cleanhouse2005.
Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0''s memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.
Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.
Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can''t be turned off and cannot be deleted without corrupting Wife 1.0 bundled add-ons permanently.
Recently, I''ve been tempted to install Mistress 2005 Beta, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of YourMoney before uninstalling itself.
Help requested please.
Regards
Friday, May 13, 2005
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Right, Pay Attention...
...I've had enough of this.
Directions
1. Leave your house.
2. Make your way to London Heathrow Airport.
3. Catch flight from London Heathrow to Dallas Fort Worth Airport.
4. Hire car at Dallas Fort Worth Airport.
5. Start going toward the "Airport Exit" on "International Parkway South" follow for 0.2 miles.
6. Bear left onto the highway toward "Terminal East Parking" - follow for 0.3 miles.
7. Bear left onto "International Parkway North" toward "North Airport Exit" follow for 2.9 miles.
8. Take the "Highway 114 west" exit toward "Fort Worth" - follow for 29.2 miles.
9. Then continue on US287 north - follow for 91.1 miles.
10. "US287 north" becomes "Interstate-44 east" - follow for 0.7 miles.
11. Take left fork onto "US-287 north" toward "Vernon" - follow for 104.0 miles.
12. "US 287 north" becomes "Avenue F (US-287)" - follow for 2.8 miles.
13. Continue to follow "US287 north" - follow for 104.9 miles.
14. Take left ramp onto "Interstate 40 west" toward "Dumas" - follow for 7.8 miles.
15. Take "Exit 70" onto "US 60 east" toward "Dumas" - follow for 0.5miles.
16. Take the Buchanan Street" exit toward "Dumas/Pampa" - follow for 1.7 miles.
17. Turn right onto "Old Route 66 (Interstate 40)" - follow for 0.1 miles.
18. Arrive at the centre of "Amarillo, Texas".
Now THAT'S the way to Ama-fucking-rillo...
Directions
1. Leave your house.
2. Make your way to London Heathrow Airport.
3. Catch flight from London Heathrow to Dallas Fort Worth Airport.
4. Hire car at Dallas Fort Worth Airport.
5. Start going toward the "Airport Exit" on "International Parkway South" follow for 0.2 miles.
6. Bear left onto the highway toward "Terminal East Parking" - follow for 0.3 miles.
7. Bear left onto "International Parkway North" toward "North Airport Exit" follow for 2.9 miles.
8. Take the "Highway 114 west" exit toward "Fort Worth" - follow for 29.2 miles.
9. Then continue on US287 north - follow for 91.1 miles.
10. "US287 north" becomes "Interstate-44 east" - follow for 0.7 miles.
11. Take left fork onto "US-287 north" toward "Vernon" - follow for 104.0 miles.
12. "US 287 north" becomes "Avenue F (US-287)" - follow for 2.8 miles.
13. Continue to follow "US287 north" - follow for 104.9 miles.
14. Take left ramp onto "Interstate 40 west" toward "Dumas" - follow for 7.8 miles.
15. Take "Exit 70" onto "US 60 east" toward "Dumas" - follow for 0.5miles.
16. Take the Buchanan Street" exit toward "Dumas/Pampa" - follow for 1.7 miles.
17. Turn right onto "Old Route 66 (Interstate 40)" - follow for 0.1 miles.
18. Arrive at the centre of "Amarillo, Texas".
Now THAT'S the way to Ama-fucking-rillo...
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Views From Our Old Flat..
I rummaged through some more old stuff, and came across some pics I took from the windows of our old flat. We were quite lucky to have a brilliant panoramic view over the whole town, from the High School looking West, over the town itself and over to nearly Dunnett Head on the East. In the distance, you may even be able to see the Orkneys!
the view looking approximately West - including the High School, and just to the left of the block of flats, a small orange-coloured gabled roof peeking out from behind some trees....that's our new place!
The view looking sort of NW, including my old Primary school (long white building in the centre) and the West Church spire.
Looking more towards the north - the West Church again, and St. Peter's Church.
The view looking North, with the mouth of the River Thurso in the centre, and the ruins of Thurso Castle just to the right.
Oh, and if you look closely, that's Orkney (or the cliffs of Hoy to be more accurate) in the distance. Hard to believe that those cliffs are nearly 1000ft high, eh?
the view looking approximately West - including the High School, and just to the left of the block of flats, a small orange-coloured gabled roof peeking out from behind some trees....that's our new place!
The view looking sort of NW, including my old Primary school (long white building in the centre) and the West Church spire.
Looking more towards the north - the West Church again, and St. Peter's Church.
The view looking North, with the mouth of the River Thurso in the centre, and the ruins of Thurso Castle just to the right.
Oh, and if you look closely, that's Orkney (or the cliffs of Hoy to be more accurate) in the distance. Hard to believe that those cliffs are nearly 1000ft high, eh?
Friday, May 06, 2005
One For The Lads...?
With thanks to Charging Through The Midfield I've managed to come across *cough* the genius of the Fwapometer.
Click, and laugh.
I did.
Click, and laugh.
I did.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Rivers Of Fur?
With the election fast approaching, I’ve decided to refrain from comment. Except for this - Bollocks to the lot of them, lying, cheating, self-serving fuckers that they are…
Last night, our recently emancipated puss was out on the prowl around dusk. We’ve gradually been getting used to him coming and going, marking out his new territory as and where he sees fit. This time however, he may have met his match.
We’re quietly watching Corrie (or she is, I’m reading the excellent “The Times: - Complete History of the World” for some reason) when we hear an almighty screeching, growling, hissing, spitting and yeowling cacophony coming from outside.
The Wife is first to the door, and immediately shouts for the cat. I’m right behind, just in time to see a fat ginger streak bolting into the house, hotly pursued by a black streak that upon the realisation that we’re there stops halfway down the garden path and vanishes around the side of the house.
After some considerable time hiding under the spare bed, our battle-cat emerges and as soon as we approach he’s straight into “Fuck You” mode, and is ready to annihilate anything that moves, while emitting the sort of noise that I’m having trouble explaining…sort of like a low, deep, constant growl coming right from the depths of the stomach.
After a while, he’s beginning to settle, and The Wife spots from the kitchen window the remains of an almighty battle.
Halfway down the path, there are numerous clumps of ginger and white fur, liberally scattered on the ground, and further down there is more. Vast swathes of the stuff. I can see no blood, there are no scratches or broken skin on our brave wee warrior (!), but there’s no sign of black fur on the path either…
My theory is that he’s encountered this other cat, upon whose territory he’s now encroaching, and in the first struggle has managed to fend it off away from the house. Unfortunately, the noise of the conflict alerts us, and The Wife runs to the door shouting his name, thus distracting him from the job in hand (kicking the fuck out of this landlord cat). He takes flight back to safety with just a few clumps of fur lost. But ultimately cheated of victory.
So this means that there is an unfinished job in hand.
I must admit, I’m utterly fascinated by all of this…
I will report any further scuffles, I mean developments later, after The Wife’s stopped peeping about her wee man getting into a fight!
Last night, our recently emancipated puss was out on the prowl around dusk. We’ve gradually been getting used to him coming and going, marking out his new territory as and where he sees fit. This time however, he may have met his match.
We’re quietly watching Corrie (or she is, I’m reading the excellent “The Times: - Complete History of the World” for some reason) when we hear an almighty screeching, growling, hissing, spitting and yeowling cacophony coming from outside.
The Wife is first to the door, and immediately shouts for the cat. I’m right behind, just in time to see a fat ginger streak bolting into the house, hotly pursued by a black streak that upon the realisation that we’re there stops halfway down the garden path and vanishes around the side of the house.
After some considerable time hiding under the spare bed, our battle-cat emerges and as soon as we approach he’s straight into “Fuck You” mode, and is ready to annihilate anything that moves, while emitting the sort of noise that I’m having trouble explaining…sort of like a low, deep, constant growl coming right from the depths of the stomach.
After a while, he’s beginning to settle, and The Wife spots from the kitchen window the remains of an almighty battle.
Halfway down the path, there are numerous clumps of ginger and white fur, liberally scattered on the ground, and further down there is more. Vast swathes of the stuff. I can see no blood, there are no scratches or broken skin on our brave wee warrior (!), but there’s no sign of black fur on the path either…
My theory is that he’s encountered this other cat, upon whose territory he’s now encroaching, and in the first struggle has managed to fend it off away from the house. Unfortunately, the noise of the conflict alerts us, and The Wife runs to the door shouting his name, thus distracting him from the job in hand (kicking the fuck out of this landlord cat). He takes flight back to safety with just a few clumps of fur lost. But ultimately cheated of victory.
So this means that there is an unfinished job in hand.
I must admit, I’m utterly fascinated by all of this…
I will report any further scuffles, I mean developments later, after The Wife’s stopped peeping about her wee man getting into a fight!
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Give Me Freedom...!
Our cat is a 'House Cat'. He's never been outside since we got him from the local sanctuary. Since we've moved home, and now have a front garden all to ourselves, we thought it would be a good idea to expose him to the delights of The Big Bad Outside World...
The pic below is his first step outdoors in more than six years...
Quickly followed by the thought.."Oh fuck, what the hell is all this..? I'm going straight back in there...at least its isnae windy inside..."
He's been out a few times since then, but after six years of incarceration he probably thinks he's Brooks out of Shawshank prison....
One of these days, I'll find "Hobbes was here" scratched in the garden fence....
The pic below is his first step outdoors in more than six years...
Quickly followed by the thought.."Oh fuck, what the hell is all this..? I'm going straight back in there...at least its isnae windy inside..."
He's been out a few times since then, but after six years of incarceration he probably thinks he's Brooks out of Shawshank prison....
One of these days, I'll find "Hobbes was here" scratched in the garden fence....
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Recovered Treasures
OK? I'm back again. We got our 'phone line installed yesterday, same number as before and we're now using dial-up (no broadband for up to 10 working days) for interwebnet access.
Have spent quite a lot of time unpacking all the boxes after the flit. It's funny the stuff you find when moving house - you know, stuff that's been lying about the place unnoticed or forgotten.
Like the image below. This is a poem that my daughter wrote at school when she was 8 years old, entitled "Boys".
BOYS by Lynn
Boys are yucky
Boys are gross
Boys stick their fingers up their nose
Boys eat snotters, worms and toads,
Boys are something worse than gross
Boys are...BOYS!
I particularly like the use of illustration to show big jars of worms, toads and snotters (neatly rolled up!), and the close-up view of a finger-up-the-nose moment!
My plan was to keep this pinned to our kitchen noticeboard until such time as it would come in useful, like the Father's Speech at her wedding, but as she doesn't seem too bothered about boyfriends so far I thought I'd share it with the WWW instead.
Coming soon - More Recovered Gems....!
Have spent quite a lot of time unpacking all the boxes after the flit. It's funny the stuff you find when moving house - you know, stuff that's been lying about the place unnoticed or forgotten.
Like the image below. This is a poem that my daughter wrote at school when she was 8 years old, entitled "Boys".
BOYS by Lynn
Boys are yucky
Boys are gross
Boys stick their fingers up their nose
Boys eat snotters, worms and toads,
Boys are something worse than gross
Boys are...BOYS!
I particularly like the use of illustration to show big jars of worms, toads and snotters (neatly rolled up!), and the close-up view of a finger-up-the-nose moment!
My plan was to keep this pinned to our kitchen noticeboard until such time as it would come in useful, like the Father's Speech at her wedding, but as she doesn't seem too bothered about boyfriends so far I thought I'd share it with the WWW instead.
Coming soon - More Recovered Gems....!
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Moving House Update
OK folks, I'm currently using the local library's PC's to update you all! Quite funny because the've blocked access to this 'blog (and most others) because of "Too many or repeated swearwords"!
The move has been successful, everything is now shifted except for a few odds and ends, (like my guitars and stuff!) so I'm off up there to get them shortly.
The cat is now safely moved too, and he's been enjoying the new surroundings. One good thing abut all this is that he will now be able to be let outside. He's never been outside since he was 4 weeks old (he's now 6 years old!), and I'm looking forward to seeing how he copes with the railway track at the back of the house!
We still haven't got a telephone line to the house, but it is due to be sorted out within 2 weeks.....so they say....
So internet access at homew isn't and won't be available for that long either...
I managed to get online on Sunday up at the out-law's, so I'm not totally out-of-touch!
Further updates as and when available....
The move has been successful, everything is now shifted except for a few odds and ends, (like my guitars and stuff!) so I'm off up there to get them shortly.
The cat is now safely moved too, and he's been enjoying the new surroundings. One good thing abut all this is that he will now be able to be let outside. He's never been outside since he was 4 weeks old (he's now 6 years old!), and I'm looking forward to seeing how he copes with the railway track at the back of the house!
We still haven't got a telephone line to the house, but it is due to be sorted out within 2 weeks.....so they say....
So internet access at homew isn't and won't be available for that long either...
I managed to get online on Sunday up at the out-law's, so I'm not totally out-of-touch!
Further updates as and when available....
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Enforced Hiatus....?
I'll be away for a while, due to moving house imminently. The new place has no telephone line yet, and we've been told that the installation of one could take up to 3 months....
It'll be a lot shorter than that, I can assure you...
So, my WorldWideWundaweb access could be severely limited over the forseeable future. I'll probably be able to use the out-law's PC to get a few things done, so I'll try to keep in touch!
Adios for now, hope you check back every now and then!
It'll be a lot shorter than that, I can assure you...
So, my WorldWideWundaweb access could be severely limited over the forseeable future. I'll probably be able to use the out-law's PC to get a few things done, so I'll try to keep in touch!
Adios for now, hope you check back every now and then!
Monday, April 04, 2005
Site Updates...
I've added another ouple of sites to my side-bar blogroll thingy...
Check out Birdman's revamped Raised By Chaffinches for some interesting views. He gave up the blogging lark a while back after getting "found out". Thankfully he's back again!
And for some ripe and rude sweary wordies, check out Noreen and Ballbag's Emerald Bile! This is what the interwebnet is all about...quality rants and anonymity!
They're nutters, but funny with it. I must stress that some very bad words are on this site, so if you're under the age of about 16, I wouldn't let your mam and dad supervise. Unless they don't mind...
Check out Birdman's revamped Raised By Chaffinches for some interesting views. He gave up the blogging lark a while back after getting "found out". Thankfully he's back again!
And for some ripe and rude sweary wordies, check out Noreen and Ballbag's Emerald Bile! This is what the interwebnet is all about...quality rants and anonymity!
They're nutters, but funny with it. I must stress that some very bad words are on this site, so if you're under the age of about 16, I wouldn't let your mam and dad supervise. Unless they don't mind...
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Gig Update...
Ended up OK! We played a blinder, after a quick mid-afternoon rehearsal, and we went on at about 9pm, played our stuff and got off stage to a rapturous reception.....
Was a wee bit nervous before-hand, including a wee vomitous bout in the morning which might have been hangover induced, but I don't think so...
We were one of six bands playing:-
*Estrella - Pseudo Bon Jovi clones with headbands, cowboy boots and on-the-knees guitar solos, with a pretentious lead singer who would suck his own cock if he could extract his head from up his own arse for just a minute...
*All Stitched Up - a punk band in the true sense...guitars out of tune, raucous shouting, and each player playing nothing in common with anyone else. Good punk attitude though...
*The Stevie Taylor Fiasco - A collection of classic Rock songs, including Dio's "Holy Diver", Van Halen's "Eruption" (which Stevie played, not me...as if!) and "Paranoid", which one of us managed to fuck-up! (It wisnae me!) Cracking versions of "Perfect Strangers" and "Rock You Like A Hurricane" too. We got plenty of congrats afterwards, but then you get to expect that, and learn not to believe it all. Pissed people talk bullshit far too readily...we did manage to get some chicks dancing, and even one old rocker shaking his dandruff to Deep Purple! Gawd bless you, Gordy!
With a full lightshow, and a 300 plus crowd, the on-stage temperature was into the "fucking hot" level, and I came offstage sweating like Dyer and Bowyer in Souness' waiting room....
*Crimson Tide - a young band from Bettyhill, and by far the most impressive of the night. A brilliant use of dynamics, switching between soft, gentle acoustics to brutal, just-under-control distortion and with some haunting vocals as well. Only negative was the singer reading lyrics from a stand, but maybe he's new. Surely if he'd written the songs he'd know the words..? Look out for them, for I predict they could go far...
*Boss Hogg - a Glasgow based band comprising entirely Thurso-born musicians. They were quite good, and while not my cup o' tea they did come across as quite powerful. As main organisers of this charidee event, they were due a better crowd than they got. A lot of the kids deciding to leg it to the nightclub before it closd.. :(
*Findo Gask - An Inverness band who have been courting a record deal recently. These fuckers were pure mad mental. I spoke to them about half an hour before they went on stage, and they were totally chilled. Cut to 10 seconds into their set, and they're just going mad...singer chap is twisting and turning, staggering on and off stage, tortuously screaming unintelligible vocals, while shouting obscenities off-mic ("FUCKING BITCH" etc.) during interludes...They even managed to create a wee mosh-pit, during which an extremely drunken 30yo-ish fat woman fell on her arse twice...Quality!
All in all, a successful night, with proceeds from the £4.00 ticket price going to the Caithness Nerve Centre, which cares for people with neurological problems.
Was a wee bit nervous before-hand, including a wee vomitous bout in the morning which might have been hangover induced, but I don't think so...
We were one of six bands playing:-
*Estrella - Pseudo Bon Jovi clones with headbands, cowboy boots and on-the-knees guitar solos, with a pretentious lead singer who would suck his own cock if he could extract his head from up his own arse for just a minute...
*All Stitched Up - a punk band in the true sense...guitars out of tune, raucous shouting, and each player playing nothing in common with anyone else. Good punk attitude though...
*The Stevie Taylor Fiasco - A collection of classic Rock songs, including Dio's "Holy Diver", Van Halen's "Eruption" (which Stevie played, not me...as if!) and "Paranoid", which one of us managed to fuck-up! (It wisnae me!) Cracking versions of "Perfect Strangers" and "Rock You Like A Hurricane" too. We got plenty of congrats afterwards, but then you get to expect that, and learn not to believe it all. Pissed people talk bullshit far too readily...we did manage to get some chicks dancing, and even one old rocker shaking his dandruff to Deep Purple! Gawd bless you, Gordy!
With a full lightshow, and a 300 plus crowd, the on-stage temperature was into the "fucking hot" level, and I came offstage sweating like Dyer and Bowyer in Souness' waiting room....
*Crimson Tide - a young band from Bettyhill, and by far the most impressive of the night. A brilliant use of dynamics, switching between soft, gentle acoustics to brutal, just-under-control distortion and with some haunting vocals as well. Only negative was the singer reading lyrics from a stand, but maybe he's new. Surely if he'd written the songs he'd know the words..? Look out for them, for I predict they could go far...
*Boss Hogg - a Glasgow based band comprising entirely Thurso-born musicians. They were quite good, and while not my cup o' tea they did come across as quite powerful. As main organisers of this charidee event, they were due a better crowd than they got. A lot of the kids deciding to leg it to the nightclub before it closd.. :(
*Findo Gask - An Inverness band who have been courting a record deal recently. These fuckers were pure mad mental. I spoke to them about half an hour before they went on stage, and they were totally chilled. Cut to 10 seconds into their set, and they're just going mad...singer chap is twisting and turning, staggering on and off stage, tortuously screaming unintelligible vocals, while shouting obscenities off-mic ("FUCKING BITCH" etc.) during interludes...They even managed to create a wee mosh-pit, during which an extremely drunken 30yo-ish fat woman fell on her arse twice...Quality!
All in all, a successful night, with proceeds from the £4.00 ticket price going to the Caithness Nerve Centre, which cares for people with neurological problems.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Bloody Fuckery...Wait For Me...?
Right, I've got myself a wee bit in over my heid here..
Tonight, as part of a six-band extravaganza of musical delights, I've agreed to play rhythm guitar for the Stevie Taylor Band...
We've had two (2) rehearsals, where we played a couple of Deep Purple songs, a Scorpions number, and "Holy Diver" by Dio, along with one of Stevie's own compositions. We played some more, but I can't remember what. Says a lot, eh?
We sounded good*.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm a crap guitarist, quite simply because I'm not. I'm a damn decent guitarist.
But I'm the type that needs to practice to be better, and in a band situaton, I need to be able to work with the rest of the guys to know when to give and when to go...
So, tonight at 8.30pm-ish, I shall be prostrating myself, and my undoubted musical talents at the feet of the ears of some of the most renowned of local artists, while having no real idea of what I'm supposed to be playing next...
Thank goodness that I've at least got a full head of luxurious, flowing hair** for the undubious headbanging duties.......
I will file a full report afterwards. Or maybe not. depends on whether we were shit or not. Hey ho. Bite me.
*Lies, and shite.
**Utter lies, and utter shite
Tonight, as part of a six-band extravaganza of musical delights, I've agreed to play rhythm guitar for the Stevie Taylor Band...
We've had two (2) rehearsals, where we played a couple of Deep Purple songs, a Scorpions number, and "Holy Diver" by Dio, along with one of Stevie's own compositions. We played some more, but I can't remember what. Says a lot, eh?
We sounded good*.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm a crap guitarist, quite simply because I'm not. I'm a damn decent guitarist.
But I'm the type that needs to practice to be better, and in a band situaton, I need to be able to work with the rest of the guys to know when to give and when to go...
So, tonight at 8.30pm-ish, I shall be prostrating myself, and my undoubted musical talents at the feet of the ears of some of the most renowned of local artists, while having no real idea of what I'm supposed to be playing next...
Thank goodness that I've at least got a full head of luxurious, flowing hair** for the undubious headbanging duties.......
I will file a full report afterwards. Or maybe not. depends on whether we were shit or not. Hey ho. Bite me.
*Lies, and shite.
**Utter lies, and utter shite
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