At It Again...!

Well, The Incredible Falling Down Man has been at it again!

This time, he falls out with his car big style after it breaks down.

He goes out on the piss and gets it into his head that he'd like to do a "Basil Fawlty" on his car, but with a golf club instead of a branch. So off he toddles home, into the house and gets a golf club....

Unfortunately, he's that pissed he can't open his front door again to go out to the car, so decides to take it out on the door itself!

After laying into the door for a wee bit, shattering the wee window and bending the putter a bit, the cops show up and ask him "Hello, hello, hello. What's going on here, then?" to which he replies, as calm as you like...

"I don't know...? I'm trying to hit the car..."

A quick caution from the rozzers and they leave him to it.

When his girlfriend comes home from visiting friends, she's horrified to see the big man gleefully trying to chip bits of broken glass through the broken window with his pitch-wedge....

Best bit though, is that he's got a job interview with Northern Constabulary next Monday!

What do you think his chances are?

Adverts! Ya Gotta Laugh!

now, I don't watch much terrestrial telly due to it mostly being shite, but tonight I happened upon an advert for This Stuff.....

I can't believe they'd call it "Boswelox"!

Sounds like bollocks to me.....

FHM o2 Cup Pics

A selection of photomographs taken on our trip to Glasgow for the FHM o2 Cup is available Here.

Let us know what you think!

There are more at the FHM site.

Metal Quiz!

Not for the faint-hearted, or those who don't know their Heavy Metal stuff!

Click on "Play", bottom left!

I got a score of 2140, and that was using all 3 lifelines, and guessing one of the Euro-metal questions correctly...

Now to be fair, I know my metal...but how am I supposed to know the name of the third drummer of Heelloween????

(Or even how to spell 'Helloween'..!!!!! Arse!)

Window Shopping....?

Some things you see in shop windows are just plain wrong...I mean, who on earth thought that this would be a good way to present kid's clothes to the buying public?

I'd bet that it was someone who hasn't got any children.....

(Mind you, we all had a laugh at it!)

FHM Trip - Update

This was 'The Incredible Falling-Down Man" mentioned earlier....

Funny thing is that he was back up on his feet again 2 minutes later, banging on the door down the corridor looking for "sugar" for his "coffee"... (Of which we had neither!)

The door was opened (3am) by a middle-aged Spanish lady, who shouted and presumably swore filthy obscenities at him until he slounked off back to his bed, tail between his legs...

We met the offended lady at breakfast the next morning, and she gave him such an evil deek. I don't blame her.

Grovelling apologies were proffered, as expected.

Chris (the offender) is now tee-total. So he says.

Dentist Agony...!

Just got back from the dentist.

I'm not the sort who enjoys these types of things, but today's visit to the Dental Hygienist was pure and utter agony, mixed with abject terror, nausea, anxiety and not a little discomfort.

There wasn't a happier man on earth than me on leaving that dental practice today.

Being strapped into a chair and forced to listen to Dolly Parton on their CD player does that to me.....

She (the hygienist) even commented on it - "Why are we listening to Dolly Parton? We must have a better CD than that?" she laughed. But did she change it? Nope, not a chance!

I can imagine her thinking "That'll teach you not to floss!"

Bloody Politicians.....

Well done, and congratulations to Ellen MacArthur (and I mean that very, very sincerely).

I'm sure it can't be easy living on a wee boat for 71 days. Only to return to good ol' Blighty and have your moment of glory completely overshadowed by an insensitive, deceptive, band-wagon-jumping, electioneering government's decision to court votes by awarding you a Damehood.

I'm sure she'll wear it with pride.....

FHM Cup Update...

OK, I'm back from Glasgow, alive and well (though goodness knows how!)

Football-wise, we managed to make it through to the quarter-finals where we were defeated by a team of youngsters, all fit and fast. Not a beer belly amongst them! Damn their washboard stomachs to hell!

The whole trip was an interesting experience, though. I hadn't realised what a bunch of pure-mad-mental-by-the-way-pal-but idiots they are.

I'll give an example...

Someone who shall remain nameless (Chris Sinclair) stated, quite emphatically that Giant Pandas deserve to be shot. All of them.

Reason being that they tend to have trouble procreating in the wild (never mind in captivity).

"Pandas! Shoot them all! They're too thick to even shag each other! This is a species that doesn't really want to be here! They even eat nothing but bamboo shoots, yet they're carnivorous! Thick as mince!"

"Don't donate money to save the pandas! Shoot the fuckers instead! They deserve to die!"


Quote of the trip though was this, spoken in pure Ned-ish :-

"Has the bin-man been, man?"

"Naw, the bin-man's no' been, man..."


More stories to follow.....including "Cup-A-Soup", "Spanish women at 3.30am" and "The Incredible Falling-down Man"....