OK, so I just got this season’s Wee Red Book, the unofficial Bible to us football fans. It has all the stats you want, and more, on the teams who will be battling it out for the League title this season, along with comprehensive lists of previous winners, International games and competitions. Where else can you find out that Christian Dailly has played 54 times for Scotland? (Jesus H. Christ! 54! How could this have been allowed?)
I even caught The Professor reading it yesterday, devouring every page avidly while passing comment on some of the adverts in said tome…..including ads for laminate flooring, a bed clearance centre, internet-ready PCs for £99, double-glazing repairs (!), lap-dancing clubs, driving instructor training and refurbished cookers!
But these two caught his eye...
Award-winning Caledonia Sun Tattoos – with Body Piercing by ‘Big John’
(Now I would imagine if I ever contemplated having my flabby skin pierced, (for whatever reason) I’m damn sure I wouldn’t be getting it done by a guy called ‘Big John’!)
Or how about this…..?
B. Main, Sculptors – Monuments for a Loved One
All monuments come with:-
An 8 Year Guarantee!
(Guaranteed to do exactly what? And why for exactly 8 years? How would you take it back, and if you did would you get a refund??)
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