More proof that people will buy any old bits of crap on eBay....
There must be some sad-sacks ou there! Click Here to see the latest.
I wonder what I could come up with to sell.....?
*Edit: - So eBay in all their wisdom decide that this particular 'item' is unsuitable, and pulls it from the database. Nuts.
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Saturday, August 28, 2004
The 'Beast' of Burnside.....
Reading the local rag today, learning of the court apperances of all the social miscreants from the 'sunny' town of Wick, my attention was drawn to a report of a local couple who seem to have come across a 'Big Cat' type creature on their travels....
And I quote:-
" A MYSTERIOUS big cat has been spotted roaming Thurso.
Worried walkers watched the puma like creature on a popular footpath in the Lower Burnside area of the town on Tuesday afternoon around 2.30pm.
The animal appeared behind a row of houses before jumping onto a shed roof and disappearing into overgrown wasteland.
Husband and wife **** and ********* *******, of George Crescent, Thurso, were enjoying a quiet stroll along Victoria Walk - which runs along the clifftops from Thurso to Scrabster - when they were stopped in their tracks by the sight of the big cat.
The strange creature was the size of a Labrador dog with a long, straight tail and was brown in colour.
Speaking to the John O'Groat Journal, Mr ******* said: "I couldn't believe what I was looking at. When we came to the end of the path at Lower Burnside we saw what we now take to be a large cat of the cougar species.
"We were looking at an old ruin known as the Bishop's Palace which looks like an old bomb shelter when we noticed it. It was sitting on a fencepost and then jumped onto a garden outbuilding, slinked along the edge and jumped into trees in the garden.
"It wasn't there for long and I don't think it.........."
WHOA! wait a minute, let's rewind there a bit.....
......"It was sitting on a fencepost"?
Can you imagine a 'Beast' the size of a Labrador, or even a Cougar type creature sitting on a fencepost? There wouldn't be enough room for one paw!
"Roll up! Roll up! Come and see the Amazing Balancing Puma....!"
Did it 'Maiow' threateningly? Or was it's purring keeping the local children awake at night?
And I quote:-
" A MYSTERIOUS big cat has been spotted roaming Thurso.
Worried walkers watched the puma like creature on a popular footpath in the Lower Burnside area of the town on Tuesday afternoon around 2.30pm.
The animal appeared behind a row of houses before jumping onto a shed roof and disappearing into overgrown wasteland.
Husband and wife **** and ********* *******, of George Crescent, Thurso, were enjoying a quiet stroll along Victoria Walk - which runs along the clifftops from Thurso to Scrabster - when they were stopped in their tracks by the sight of the big cat.
The strange creature was the size of a Labrador dog with a long, straight tail and was brown in colour.
Speaking to the John O'Groat Journal, Mr ******* said: "I couldn't believe what I was looking at. When we came to the end of the path at Lower Burnside we saw what we now take to be a large cat of the cougar species.
"We were looking at an old ruin known as the Bishop's Palace which looks like an old bomb shelter when we noticed it. It was sitting on a fencepost and then jumped onto a garden outbuilding, slinked along the edge and jumped into trees in the garden.
"It wasn't there for long and I don't think it.........."
WHOA! wait a minute, let's rewind there a bit.....
......"It was sitting on a fencepost"?
Can you imagine a 'Beast' the size of a Labrador, or even a Cougar type creature sitting on a fencepost? There wouldn't be enough room for one paw!
"Roll up! Roll up! Come and see the Amazing Balancing Puma....!"
Did it 'Maiow' threateningly? Or was it's purring keeping the local children awake at night?
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Steeplechase......
Watching the Olympics tonight with The Professor, we wondered about the origin of The Steeplechase....
OK, we thought, it must have come from the horserace, when it was run between olde English villages. You can just imagine the race from one village steeple to the next, horses bounding over dry-stone dykes and thundering across farm fields.
Even the distance (3000 metres) is almost consistant with the distance between these villages. Probably.
So it makes sense (almost) to modern athletes that a Steeplechase would be a middle-distance race, including jumps over solid barriers.
Our question is this, though.....
What do French call 'The Steeplechase'?
Is it translated literally ('La Chass de Steeple'? Crikey, Babelfish translates it as 'La Course d'obstacles'! To me that says 'Obstacle Race'! Do you think they also do a 'Course du Sac'? Or even 'La Course D'Oeufs Et De Cuillère'?).
Or do they have another name for it, like the French equivalent of 'The 3000 Metres with lots of jumps, except for one big one that's a bit wet'......
And what's it called in other languages....?
Trust me, our evening conversations are often like this.........
OK, we thought, it must have come from the horserace, when it was run between olde English villages. You can just imagine the race from one village steeple to the next, horses bounding over dry-stone dykes and thundering across farm fields.
Even the distance (3000 metres) is almost consistant with the distance between these villages. Probably.
So it makes sense (almost) to modern athletes that a Steeplechase would be a middle-distance race, including jumps over solid barriers.
Our question is this, though.....
What do French call 'The Steeplechase'?
Is it translated literally ('La Chass de Steeple'? Crikey, Babelfish translates it as 'La Course d'obstacles'! To me that says 'Obstacle Race'! Do you think they also do a 'Course du Sac'? Or even 'La Course D'Oeufs Et De Cuillère'?).
Or do they have another name for it, like the French equivalent of 'The 3000 Metres with lots of jumps, except for one big one that's a bit wet'......
And what's it called in other languages....?
Trust me, our evening conversations are often like this.........
Monday, August 23, 2004
Video of Tron Guy....
OK, this is getting out of hand.....
Here's a link to a forum that has a link to a video-file of the unbelievably unbelievable Jay Maynard, known throughout the World Wide WundaWeb simply as 'Tron-Guy'
(It's a 25 meg .avi file so best for Broadband users, and the link is to a forum page so it's better to right-click the link in the forum and select 'Save Target As' to save it to your hard-drive...)
What do you make of it?
I thought he displays a lot of dignity, while being bombarded with a typical US TV Host's inane questions.....and he showed that he's a good sport by doing the OB where the piss gets pulled by the general (drunk) public.
Good on you, 'Tron-Guy'!
Can't wait for his next masquerade......!
Here's a link to a forum that has a link to a video-file of the unbelievably unbelievable Jay Maynard, known throughout the World Wide WundaWeb simply as 'Tron-Guy'
(It's a 25 meg .avi file so best for Broadband users, and the link is to a forum page so it's better to right-click the link in the forum and select 'Save Target As' to save it to your hard-drive...)
What do you make of it?
I thought he displays a lot of dignity, while being bombarded with a typical US TV Host's inane questions.....and he showed that he's a good sport by doing the OB where the piss gets pulled by the general (drunk) public.
Good on you, 'Tron-Guy'!
Can't wait for his next masquerade......!
Friday, August 20, 2004
All Hail Haile.....
Well, tonight I have watched the last Olympic appearance by the utterly wonderful long-distance runner Haile Gebrselassie.
In a career that has spanned nearly 15 years he managed to break 17 world records.
That's not a typo.....
17.
Tonight he was outclassed by two of the young breed of Ethiopians, who both hero-worship the amazing Haile. Known in his homeland as 'Jegnaw' - 'The Fearless Hero' and to his fans around the world as 'Emperor Gabe' , he will now focus on marathon running (alongside a reported interest in politics).
The world of long-distance running, and indeed Athletics itself owes Haile Gebreselassie a huge debt. A better ambassador for the sport could not be found.
Hail Haile.....
In a career that has spanned nearly 15 years he managed to break 17 world records.
That's not a typo.....
17.
Tonight he was outclassed by two of the young breed of Ethiopians, who both hero-worship the amazing Haile. Known in his homeland as 'Jegnaw' - 'The Fearless Hero' and to his fans around the world as 'Emperor Gabe' , he will now focus on marathon running (alongside a reported interest in politics).
The world of long-distance running, and indeed Athletics itself owes Haile Gebreselassie a huge debt. A better ambassador for the sport could not be found.
Hail Haile.....
Dottled
We hear many stories about old people going senile and forgetting stuff. In the cold light of day it's not nice and not really very funny.
However, it's hard not to laugh when you hear some of the tales. '70s Ian was in recently and told me the story of his dear old Grandmother….
Apparently, his Grandmother started to go a bit dottled when her husband died, and would often search for him, muttering things like 'Where's he got to now?' under her breath. It was often Ian's job to go out and search the streets for his long deceased Grand-dad and to bring him back 'home'.
Now, put yourself in Ian's shoes here. Are you going to waste time and effort tramping the streets looking for someone who you clearly had no chance of finding?
Or are you going to do what Ian did, and sneak round the back of the house and smoke a cigarette or two before going back to dear old Granny with the proclamation that you 'couldn't find him'?
Anyway, this one time Ian is sent to the pub to fetch his Grand-dad back for his tea. Off Ian goes as usual, a few puffs and back to Granny with the customary bad news…..'Grand-dad isn't in the pub. I couldn't find him anywhere….'.
To which Granny says, with a sympathetic hand on an incredulous Ian's arm:-
"Och, Ian my poor loon, didn't you know your Grand-dad's been dead now for two years…?"
However, it's hard not to laugh when you hear some of the tales. '70s Ian was in recently and told me the story of his dear old Grandmother….
Apparently, his Grandmother started to go a bit dottled when her husband died, and would often search for him, muttering things like 'Where's he got to now?' under her breath. It was often Ian's job to go out and search the streets for his long deceased Grand-dad and to bring him back 'home'.
Now, put yourself in Ian's shoes here. Are you going to waste time and effort tramping the streets looking for someone who you clearly had no chance of finding?
Or are you going to do what Ian did, and sneak round the back of the house and smoke a cigarette or two before going back to dear old Granny with the proclamation that you 'couldn't find him'?
Anyway, this one time Ian is sent to the pub to fetch his Grand-dad back for his tea. Off Ian goes as usual, a few puffs and back to Granny with the customary bad news…..'Grand-dad isn't in the pub. I couldn't find him anywhere….'.
To which Granny says, with a sympathetic hand on an incredulous Ian's arm:-
"Och, Ian my poor loon, didn't you know your Grand-dad's been dead now for two years…?"
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Real Life - Rated 18
With me spending more and more time online playing games, I am intrigued by THIS ONE!
Looks like it could be quite entertaining, I might just give it a go one of these days..........
Looks like it could be quite entertaining, I might just give it a go one of these days..........
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Scotsport - The Best Of Scottish Football....NOT! - Addendum
Just watched tonights coverage of Scotsport-SPL.
Must admit, I am quietly surprised....
At least we had team line-ups before each game, and perhaps a few minutes more coverage per game.
We still have the stupid 'Keepie-Uppy-Keeper' slot, and a non-sensical Mascot Race, added to that a stupid wumman presenter wittering on about a sport she obviously knows nothing about. It seems that she is there because she is blonde, female and not really very fat at all (except heid-wise...), but at least the actual coverage of the games has improved.
I'm glad to see that my venomous email diatribes directed to STV are (possibly) being heeded.
Must admit, I am quietly surprised....
At least we had team line-ups before each game, and perhaps a few minutes more coverage per game.
We still have the stupid 'Keepie-Uppy-Keeper' slot, and a non-sensical Mascot Race, added to that a stupid wumman presenter wittering on about a sport she obviously knows nothing about. It seems that she is there because she is blonde, female and not really very fat at all (except heid-wise...), but at least the actual coverage of the games has improved.
I'm glad to see that my venomous email diatribes directed to STV are (possibly) being heeded.
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Reservoir Dogs (…….with added 'Peff'!)
Location: - The Odeon Cinema, central Glasgow, early '90's.
We were down for yet another gig (Tyketto, I think) and as it was a Saturday (the day before the gig), we decided on the good old 'all-day-session'. It wasn't an easy decision, but eventually we agreed that it was the right way to go.
Many pubs were visited, and much drink imbibed (it's the law, apparently).
It got to about 9pm, and after a few jars in 'The Red Lion' right behind the Odeon Cinema (which just so happens to be the first pub that The Professor got served in, aged 14 and dressed as a catholic schoolboy!) where much piss was ripped, we decided to catch the late showing of 'Reservoir Dogs' at the pictures.
Midnight start, so we had plenty time……
Anyway, myself, Marty, Chris and Chris' sister Fiona make our way in, as pissed as you can imagine. The film starts, and the Bacchanalian buffoonery is not far behind…
With every line spoken by the cast, there would be a gallus comment from one of us. I particularly remember someone dressed in white shooting a guy in a chair, and the chair-guy says 'Why did you do that…?', accompanied by my good self saying, out loud - '…Because it's in the script…!'
Oh how I laughed.
As the film went on though, we were mercilessly unaware of Marty's dilemma…..
We did notice Marty getting up from his seat and going to the loo, and when he came back in he made a point of visiting each of us to say his farewells as he was intending to head off home. His parting words should have meant more to us at the time - "..and be careful when you go to the bogs at the end of the film….." - but no-one really paid attention.
So off Marty goes, and with the stinging words of an irate Glaswegian ringing in my ears ('Are ye gonnae no shut the FUCK up…?') we settled down and watched the rest of the film. Very quietly.
As usual, at the end of the flick some of us (bellies still full of beer) are desperate for the lavvy, and go to make our way down the stairs only to be held up by scores of people literally physically retching and cursing, struggling for breath at the acrid stench in the air.
I ventured down the steps towards the Gents, where people were slipping on the stairs, the back of the door was covered in 'Technicolour Varnish' and even the door handle was pebbledashed with the stuff.
All around were people holding hands over mouths.
As you can probably work out, Marty had peffed all over the stairs and up the door, after having been caught short on his mad dash for gastro-enterital sanctuary……….
At least he gave us a wee bit of warning, even though it really wasn't enough…..
We were down for yet another gig (Tyketto, I think) and as it was a Saturday (the day before the gig), we decided on the good old 'all-day-session'. It wasn't an easy decision, but eventually we agreed that it was the right way to go.
Many pubs were visited, and much drink imbibed (it's the law, apparently).
It got to about 9pm, and after a few jars in 'The Red Lion' right behind the Odeon Cinema (which just so happens to be the first pub that The Professor got served in, aged 14 and dressed as a catholic schoolboy!) where much piss was ripped, we decided to catch the late showing of 'Reservoir Dogs' at the pictures.
Midnight start, so we had plenty time……
Anyway, myself, Marty, Chris and Chris' sister Fiona make our way in, as pissed as you can imagine. The film starts, and the Bacchanalian buffoonery is not far behind…
With every line spoken by the cast, there would be a gallus comment from one of us. I particularly remember someone dressed in white shooting a guy in a chair, and the chair-guy says 'Why did you do that…?', accompanied by my good self saying, out loud - '…Because it's in the script…!'
Oh how I laughed.
As the film went on though, we were mercilessly unaware of Marty's dilemma…..
We did notice Marty getting up from his seat and going to the loo, and when he came back in he made a point of visiting each of us to say his farewells as he was intending to head off home. His parting words should have meant more to us at the time - "..and be careful when you go to the bogs at the end of the film….." - but no-one really paid attention.
So off Marty goes, and with the stinging words of an irate Glaswegian ringing in my ears ('Are ye gonnae no shut the FUCK up…?') we settled down and watched the rest of the film. Very quietly.
As usual, at the end of the flick some of us (bellies still full of beer) are desperate for the lavvy, and go to make our way down the stairs only to be held up by scores of people literally physically retching and cursing, struggling for breath at the acrid stench in the air.
I ventured down the steps towards the Gents, where people were slipping on the stairs, the back of the door was covered in 'Technicolour Varnish' and even the door handle was pebbledashed with the stuff.
All around were people holding hands over mouths.
As you can probably work out, Marty had peffed all over the stairs and up the door, after having been caught short on his mad dash for gastro-enterital sanctuary……….
At least he gave us a wee bit of warning, even though it really wasn't enough…..
Friday, August 13, 2004
Writer's Block?
As just a recent subscriber to weblog-dom, I find myself suddenly in a strange place.
I am suffering from 'writer's block'. I don't know what to 'blog about! I can't even seem to make stories up like I used to!
Do I tell you both all about my surprisingly dull day at work, or my attendance of the local Seven-A-Side League AGM earlier tonight (where the league fees are noted at £200 per team!) or do I just trot out the 'blogger's standard'…?
Lists.
Nah, I umny gonnae dae it. Everyone else does it. People who know me know what I like, everyone who doesn't know me will have to guess.
Hold on though, let's see….
This week I are mostly been doing…
1. Drinking Beer.
2. Watching Football.
3. Playing Runescape.
4. Going To Bed Late.
5. Waking Up Early.
6. Bloody Working.
7. Eating Sausages For Lunch.
8. Wondering what to write about here……
….And not necessarily in that particular order.
And as soon as I can work out how to say what I want to say, and tell the stories that I want to tell, there will be more! There doesn't even seem to be any really funny links to post for your delectation....
Bahh!
I am suffering from 'writer's block'. I don't know what to 'blog about! I can't even seem to make stories up like I used to!
Do I tell you both all about my surprisingly dull day at work, or my attendance of the local Seven-A-Side League AGM earlier tonight (where the league fees are noted at £200 per team!) or do I just trot out the 'blogger's standard'…?
Lists.
Nah, I umny gonnae dae it. Everyone else does it. People who know me know what I like, everyone who doesn't know me will have to guess.
Hold on though, let's see….
This week I are mostly been doing…
1. Drinking Beer.
2. Watching Football.
3. Playing Runescape.
4. Going To Bed Late.
5. Waking Up Early.
6. Bloody Working.
7. Eating Sausages For Lunch.
8. Wondering what to write about here……
….And not necessarily in that particular order.
And as soon as I can work out how to say what I want to say, and tell the stories that I want to tell, there will be more! There doesn't even seem to be any really funny links to post for your delectation....
Bahh!
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Scotsport - The Best Of Scottish Football....NOT!
Rant No. 2
Right, just finished watching the All-Singing All-Dancing All-New Scotsport with its exclusive highlights package of the new SPL season.......
And Yea Verily I denounce it as utter shite.....
Why for all the presenters? What do they need 3 of them for? All I want to see is the football, not 40 minutes of presenters and analists (spelling correct) talking about the games, interviews with ex-Celtic players, pre-scripted opinions of 'fans' in the studio (with them reading the script off of idiot-boards) or stupid 'testing of referees whistles' or 'keepie-uppy-keepers' items.
They spent less than 20 minutes on the highlights of 6 games!
Whatever happened to the old fashioned format where they showed extensive highlights of the 'Game of the week' followed by brief clip-packages of the rest of the games?
Ha ha, they even read out an email from a member of the public, who wondered if Scotsport would be solely concentrating on Celtic and Rangers. Jim Delacunt (spelling correct) replied emphatically in the negative. Cut to next item - a competition to win Henrik Larsson's new Barca shirt!
If it wasn't so bad it'd be good....
Tell me, who decides the format of these programmes? And more importantly, how come they never asked me?
Right, just finished watching the All-Singing All-Dancing All-New Scotsport with its exclusive highlights package of the new SPL season.......
And Yea Verily I denounce it as utter shite.....
Why for all the presenters? What do they need 3 of them for? All I want to see is the football, not 40 minutes of presenters and analists (spelling correct) talking about the games, interviews with ex-Celtic players, pre-scripted opinions of 'fans' in the studio (with them reading the script off of idiot-boards) or stupid 'testing of referees whistles' or 'keepie-uppy-keepers' items.
They spent less than 20 minutes on the highlights of 6 games!
Whatever happened to the old fashioned format where they showed extensive highlights of the 'Game of the week' followed by brief clip-packages of the rest of the games?
Ha ha, they even read out an email from a member of the public, who wondered if Scotsport would be solely concentrating on Celtic and Rangers. Jim Delacunt (spelling correct) replied emphatically in the negative. Cut to next item - a competition to win Henrik Larsson's new Barca shirt!
If it wasn't so bad it'd be good....
Tell me, who decides the format of these programmes? And more importantly, how come they never asked me?
Friday, August 06, 2004
The Amazing Fat Person Spider!
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Stupid People......
OK, You all know when you're watching Who Wants To Be Millionaire' and someone buggers up badly, getting the 500 quid question stupidly wrong?
Funny, yes?
Not as funny as THIS though........!
('Big Up' to 70's Ian for the link! (Hey, I'm getting down wit da kidz, fother-mucker....er, or perhaps not.....?))
Funny, yes?
Not as funny as THIS though........!
('Big Up' to 70's Ian for the link! (Hey, I'm getting down wit da kidz, fother-mucker....er, or perhaps not.....?))
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Wednesday Rant - Doddery Old Gits....
I’m going to post a weekly (or so) rant on here, just about the little niggly things that get right on my tits.
Like Old Wifies.
This morning walking to work they were everywhere.
Two old wifies standing in the paper-shop doorway, gossiping ignorantly, unaware that as it’s the only door to the shop people might actually want to go in or out. Bottleneck situation just waiting to happen….
Worse than that, old wifies who queue up to buy said newspapers, then add on cigarettes, stationery, a wee toy for little Jimmy, a box of Jaffa Cakes and then she asks ‘Do you have any nice wrapping paper?’, dragging the by now embarrassed assistant all over the shop.
When they finally get everything rung up on the till then and only then does the old dear think about actually paying for her goods! Raking in her bag for her purse, and then raking in her purse for the exact change, counting it out penny by penny, only to realise at the last moment that she hasn’t enough small change and ‘could she change a twenty?’
When the transaction is over, she then proceeds to carefully replace everything into her purse, and handbag.
Slowly.
Just as I’m about to shout (at the top of my voice) ‘GET OUT OF MY WAY, YOU DODDERY OLD BASTA…’ she then politely asks for all her goods to be placed in a carrier bag, as ‘it might rain later on…….’
Jesus H., I only want to pay for my soft-porn-orientated tabloids!
Like Old Wifies.
This morning walking to work they were everywhere.
Two old wifies standing in the paper-shop doorway, gossiping ignorantly, unaware that as it’s the only door to the shop people might actually want to go in or out. Bottleneck situation just waiting to happen….
Worse than that, old wifies who queue up to buy said newspapers, then add on cigarettes, stationery, a wee toy for little Jimmy, a box of Jaffa Cakes and then she asks ‘Do you have any nice wrapping paper?’, dragging the by now embarrassed assistant all over the shop.
When they finally get everything rung up on the till then and only then does the old dear think about actually paying for her goods! Raking in her bag for her purse, and then raking in her purse for the exact change, counting it out penny by penny, only to realise at the last moment that she hasn’t enough small change and ‘could she change a twenty?’
When the transaction is over, she then proceeds to carefully replace everything into her purse, and handbag.
Slowly.
Just as I’m about to shout (at the top of my voice) ‘GET OUT OF MY WAY, YOU DODDERY OLD BASTA…’ she then politely asks for all her goods to be placed in a carrier bag, as ‘it might rain later on…….’
Jesus H., I only want to pay for my soft-porn-orientated tabloids!
Sunday, August 01, 2004
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