Introducing....My Better Half....?

My Wife - What a Treasure!

Not too long after we started 'courting' (how sweet!), and before she had really become accepted by all my best friends, the woman who became my Wife and I decided to travel to Glasgow to see one of our favourite bands play at 'The Cathouse'. We were to stay in a grotty little Guesthouse in Renfrew Street (anyone who's been to a Glasgow Gig with us knows exactly which Guesthouse this is!) and meet up with our good mates Sneaky Les and Marty & Lorna before the gig for a meal (and drinks!).

Now, Marty at the time was a bit on the large side and was very fond of his Pizzas (maybe these two facts were linked? At least he's seen the light and now eats nothing but lettuce, sawdust and cardboard!), so the decision was taken out of our hands as to where we were going for grub.

So off we went to Pizza Hut for some vein-clogging, cholesterol-laden crappy pizza.

And lo, it was crap. But, when we were there something amazing happened…..

You know when you're in company, and you try your best not to swear, fart or burp for fear of upsetting your new girlfriend/boyfriend and their pals? Y' know, trying to create an impression? Come on, now. We've all been there at one point or another.

Well, my good lady surpassed herself on this occasion…….

The restaurant was packed, every table was full and there was light (i.e. crap…) music playing in the background. We all consumed quite a few bottles of crappy American beer, and micro waved Pizza was scoffed aplenty.

In the 2 or 3-second lull between songs, my darling beloved decided the time was right to empty her full stomach of it's built up gas reserves.

Without even blinking an eye, she let rip.

BBBBBAAAAAAaaaaarrrrpppp!!!

Full, throaty, and not the slightest bit moist, the sound reverberated throughout the restaurant, catching everybody's full attention. Talk about 'filling the auditorium'! In fact it seemed to echo on for a good 10 seconds afterwards. I can still hear it now, actually.......An awesome hush quickly descended upon the collected masticators…..

The total silence thus ripped asunder, accusing fingers were rapidly pointed in her direction. And not just from us.....

There were people pointing and staring in awe at what they had just witnessed! Small children, scared for their lives started crying for their mothers! Two old biddies were struggling to climb under their table, fearing the ceiling would collapse! 3 people sitting at our table were pissing themselves with laughter, and wonderment/admiration!

And in the middle of all this, with just the tiniest hint of embarrassment - a wee touch of pink on her cheeks - all she could say was -

'…. Oops!', with her tiny hand covering her mouth..

A round of applause and the award of a 9 out of 10 for her efforts were duly given.

After all, credit where credit is due, yes?