Mad Friday.....

Today is the day known locally as "Mad Friday".

Traditionally, the whole town goes partying today, to celebrate the birth of Christ - by getting as pissed-up as humanly possible, spewing in the streets, abusing the bar-staff, flicking the "V's" at the cops, fighting each other, falling out with spouses, arguing with the Nurses while they insert the stitches and invariably shagging the wrong people. All before tea-time….

Originally started by the workers at the local Nuclear Power Station, "Mad Friday" was always the last Friday before Christmas, as this was the day the Power Station closed for two weeks. As next Friday is so close to Christmas, they are having it a week early this year, just to give themselves time to recover, I expect…

Each department has its own outing, usually to a hotel or restaurant where a Christmas Lunch is served, accompanied by much wine and beer. Then move on to another pub for more libations. And then on to the next pub. Then the next. Until the nightclub opens and the fun really starts..

When you put together about a thousand people, in groups of thirty to forty each, it can lead to problems you will agree. In fact, there are some startling sights to behold.

The day starts at about 11.30am, after leaving work early. Most parties have their meal booked for 12.30 or 1pm, so it's a good idea to get in to the pub early for a few starters. This is where you can suss out the people who could potentially become troublemakers later on. When you get parties like this, it's always the quiet, shy types, the ones who hardly ever go out to pubs, that end up making an arse of themselves. Well, nearly always..

Once the meal is over, it's back into the pub for more drinks, by this time the 'kitty' has started. Now, when you get 40 people, who all drink different things, you'd think that a simple drinks list would be ideal, for both party and bar-man alike. But when 'Sharon from the Canteen' decides that she doesn't really like Rum and Coke - "..it tasted differently when I had it last year…" - then the list has to change.

And it changes endlessly. The lads quickly find that going pint-against-short leaves them with extra pint-age, which they will have to abandon when the time comes to move on. So they switch to their preferred short. The girlies find that endless white wine spritzers just leaves them feeling bloated so they move on to vodka and coke, the standard ladies party drink, or Spiced Rum and coke for the more intrepid. So the list is nothing like it was when it started.

Then there are the 'Fly-guys'…

They are the type who get their drinks like the rest, but wander from table to table, socialising and surreptitiously leaving their drink behind pot plants, on window sills or just abandoned on a spare table. They are trying to stay sober, so as to have the best chances later on in the nightclub… routinely they fail nonetheless.

(The amount of drink I poured down the sink after each group had departed was astounding. Enough to make a jakey cry like a baby…)

Then there are the 'Doublers'…

These are the guys who are just interested in getting as pissed as possible, as quickly as possible. They get their drink from the kitty, down it ASAP, and then go back to the bar individually to buy more. But rather than queue again and again, they order doubles. While there, they invariable meet up with other like-minded souls.

"…And one for my mate Jock, as well. Make it a double…"

The most worrying thing though, is the inappropriate clothing worn by many of the young ladies. Just now we have a snow forecast for today or tomorrow, and the wind is blowing up a gale like normal. Yet we will undoubtedly see skimpy tops, short skirts and bare midriffs galore. And not a warm coat in sight.

Well, it is Christmas is it not…?


As this is the first time in ten years that I haven't worked "Mad Friday", I am quite looking forward to it. I'm making a point of keeping my usual Friday-5pm appointment with The Professor in one of the busiest pubs. I expect I will have to step over bodies just to reach the bar…

70's Ian says he will also be there, but he's out at his "Mad Friday" do, so he may not make it….