Ach, post edited after many months of embarrassment. Shame that a rather fun endeavour ultimately descended into an utter boredom-led lyrical maelstrom.
The commenters have it right, though - although I can't believe any of them are still available to read after all these years..
Y'never know though, I might be back one day, just not this day. It's not easy coming up with new pub-related funnies these days, given that my 5-day-a-week pub attendance (as a pub-worker) has now been superceded (underceded?) by a mostly one-day-a-week limit.
Time will tell though...
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Friday, June 30, 2006
Still Here....?
Just popping in to see who's still hanging around...h'mmm, not many it seems.
Recent things that have caught my attention: -
1) Scottish people being harangued by the English media into supporting England during the World Cup.
My view on this? Why should we? As F.I.F.A. recognise us as two separate nations, why should we actively support any other team (and if we do, why should it be England)?
That'd be a bit like a German supporting the Netherlands, or a Spaniard supporting Portugal (or even a Brazilian supporting Argentina). It would be preposterous.
In no other place on earth would anyone expect someone to support their nearest and dearest (!) rivals in any sporting arena. Just because we are part of the United Kingdom, doesn't mean we have to fawn all over each other on the football fields.
Now we shall expand this a little, and look at the many Scots who are actively supporting whoever England are playing.
Now, this may seem a tad on the hostile side of things, but there is a very, very good reason for this phenomenon.
Television.
We in Scotland are forced to watch English television coverage of the World Cup, through the Scottish television company's lack of funds/enthusiasm.
Nothing irks me (and most other Scots viewers) more than watching these pundits and listening to commentators and anal-ysts witter on about the England camp and how they will win the World Cup, during a game between Argentina and Germany or Ghana and Brazil.
If these television programmes would concentrate on the game at hand, and project a sensible, un-biased viewpoint, then we in Scotland would be a damn sight happier.
2) Football-related again, I'm afraid.
Recently, a young Kiwi lad and his father were attacked in Edinburgh because the lad was wearing an England shirt. Allegedly.
In another incident, a disabled England fan was dragged from his car and beaten up for the same reason. Allegedly.
Now, I add the 'allegedly' to both statements, simply because there has been no corroborative evidence to back these stories up. No arrests, no prosecutions, no hardened xenophobes sent down.
Now, in no way would I condone these actions, true or not - they are a sad reflection on modern life more than anything else.
However, these incidents have been widely reported in the English media, at a time when over 500 England fans are arrested in Germany. The cynical amongst us could come to a few conclusions quite easily here, don't you think?
And before any enraged Englishman comments about the Scots and their Anti-English hatred, I'd like to draw their atention to a small news report that has probably not been widely reported, and certainly not raised in the House Of Commons: -
Click Here
The phrase "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" springs to mind.
Holier-than-thou? Me?
Recent things that have caught my attention: -
1) Scottish people being harangued by the English media into supporting England during the World Cup.
My view on this? Why should we? As F.I.F.A. recognise us as two separate nations, why should we actively support any other team (and if we do, why should it be England)?
That'd be a bit like a German supporting the Netherlands, or a Spaniard supporting Portugal (or even a Brazilian supporting Argentina). It would be preposterous.
In no other place on earth would anyone expect someone to support their nearest and dearest (!) rivals in any sporting arena. Just because we are part of the United Kingdom, doesn't mean we have to fawn all over each other on the football fields.
Now we shall expand this a little, and look at the many Scots who are actively supporting whoever England are playing.
Now, this may seem a tad on the hostile side of things, but there is a very, very good reason for this phenomenon.
Television.
We in Scotland are forced to watch English television coverage of the World Cup, through the Scottish television company's lack of funds/enthusiasm.
Nothing irks me (and most other Scots viewers) more than watching these pundits and listening to commentators and anal-ysts witter on about the England camp and how they will win the World Cup, during a game between Argentina and Germany or Ghana and Brazil.
If these television programmes would concentrate on the game at hand, and project a sensible, un-biased viewpoint, then we in Scotland would be a damn sight happier.
2) Football-related again, I'm afraid.
Recently, a young Kiwi lad and his father were attacked in Edinburgh because the lad was wearing an England shirt. Allegedly.
In another incident, a disabled England fan was dragged from his car and beaten up for the same reason. Allegedly.
Now, I add the 'allegedly' to both statements, simply because there has been no corroborative evidence to back these stories up. No arrests, no prosecutions, no hardened xenophobes sent down.
Now, in no way would I condone these actions, true or not - they are a sad reflection on modern life more than anything else.
However, these incidents have been widely reported in the English media, at a time when over 500 England fans are arrested in Germany. The cynical amongst us could come to a few conclusions quite easily here, don't you think?
And before any enraged Englishman comments about the Scots and their Anti-English hatred, I'd like to draw their atention to a small news report that has probably not been widely reported, and certainly not raised in the House Of Commons: -
Click Here
The phrase "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" springs to mind.
Holier-than-thou? Me?
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Back from the Dead!
Well, the previous post certainly confirms my thoughts.
Posting from a mobile 'phone doesn't work using the Blogger dashboard...even using an xHTML browser. Meh...
In other news: -
I haven't been posting recently because I couldn't really be arsed. (None of this "writer's block" bollocks for me! Non-arsed-ness it is, then!!)
Christmas is now firmly past us, and we're all happier for that I'm sure. In fact, it's almost Easter time, 'cos there's tons of Creme Eggs in the shops.
In fact, I have to concur with Scaryduck's discoveries of a few weeks ago - Creme Eggs are now indeed smaller than ever.
They used to be the size of ostrich eggs (hang on - that remnds me of an old story that takes the piss out of The Wife!) in the days of Wagon Wheels the size of, well, wheels on a wagon and Curly-Wurlys had to be carried on your back like a window-cleaner's ladder...
Ah, the halcyon days of youth right enough.
Right, enough of this buffoonery for now.
We'll take this one step at a time, and see how long and how far we can go. Likely as long s it takes for me to become not arsed again.
I bid you adieu, adieu, to you and you and you...
Posting from a mobile 'phone doesn't work using the Blogger dashboard...even using an xHTML browser. Meh...
In other news: -
I haven't been posting recently because I couldn't really be arsed. (None of this "writer's block" bollocks for me! Non-arsed-ness it is, then!!)
Christmas is now firmly past us, and we're all happier for that I'm sure. In fact, it's almost Easter time, 'cos there's tons of Creme Eggs in the shops.
In fact, I have to concur with Scaryduck's discoveries of a few weeks ago - Creme Eggs are now indeed smaller than ever.
They used to be the size of ostrich eggs (hang on - that remnds me of an old story that takes the piss out of The Wife!) in the days of Wagon Wheels the size of, well, wheels on a wagon and Curly-Wurlys had to be carried on your back like a window-cleaner's ladder...
Ah, the halcyon days of youth right enough.
Right, enough of this buffoonery for now.
We'll take this one step at a time, and see how long and how far we can go. Likely as long s it takes for me to become not arsed again.
I bid you adieu, adieu, to you and you and you...
Thursday, December 01, 2005
The DVDs People Will Release...?
I could not believe it when I heard today on the radio that they're set to release a DVD of the England 3 Argentina 2 football match played recently in Switzerland.
It was a friendly game! Not the World Cup Final!! This match counted for nothing, although quite a good game of football it was.
But then, I saw a quite good game of football on TV the other night between Doncaster Rovers and Aston Villa, yet they're not rush-releasing that for the Christmas market!
Pretty sad decision to release that DVD, to be honest...
But is it quite as sad as THIS??
Who decides these DVDs should be released? And more importantly, who decides to buy them?
It was a friendly game! Not the World Cup Final!! This match counted for nothing, although quite a good game of football it was.
But then, I saw a quite good game of football on TV the other night between Doncaster Rovers and Aston Villa, yet they're not rush-releasing that for the Christmas market!
Pretty sad decision to release that DVD, to be honest...
But is it quite as sad as THIS??
Who decides these DVDs should be released? And more importantly, who decides to buy them?
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Magnus Magnusson
If I told you there was a game starring Magnus Magnusson, you'd like it, right? I mean, it's Magnus Magnusson, isn't it?
What if I told you Magnus was pissed. From drinking bleach?
And that he has to piss on otters?
And not wasps. Or Electric Eskimos.
Would you play it?
How could you not?
Magnus Magnusson Pissing On Otters and not wasps or Electric Eskimos Game
Highest score wins a small portion of fuck all.
(Actually, it's a rather crap game, I just like the idea!)
What if I told you Magnus was pissed. From drinking bleach?
And that he has to piss on otters?
And not wasps. Or Electric Eskimos.
Would you play it?
How could you not?
Magnus Magnusson Pissing On Otters and not wasps or Electric Eskimos Game
Highest score wins a small portion of fuck all.
(Actually, it's a rather crap game, I just like the idea!)
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Anniversaries...
A year has passed. One year. It has been better than expected, I suppose.
I’ll never forget that fateful day, one year ago today, when my darling, beloved Wife came home from a not-so-routine Doctor’s appointment. We both knew something was not right (not just not right, but well, wrong..) but the Docs couldn’t figure it out.
Her right leg had become weak, meaning that walking long distances had become difficult – not painful, but just difficult. Her right hip was affected too. We thought it might be a trapped nerve or something like that.
Various tests were carried out, a couple of MRI scans and blood tests galore.
She came back from that doctor’s appointment, burst through our front door visibly shaking, and in floods of tears. Eventually she said the words that would change both our lives forever….
“I’ve got MS. Multiple Sclerosis.”
Much tears and soul-searching ensued. I spent a few sleepless nights, worrying about the future and what that might hold. I can’t even contemplate how The Wife was feeling through all this….she certainly coped better than I did.
After the shock had worn off a wee bit, we knew we had to face up to it. The nurse had told her not to look at all the MS websites, as they can give a somewhat false impression of the condition, and after ignoring her advice and checking some of them out, I knew I should have listened! MS is a condition that is different for every single sufferer, and some of the websites paint a very black picture indeed.
Anyway, a year has gone by. She is still fit, active, and full of life and is as strong as ever.
Her condition (I’ll never, ever call it a disease, like one of the nurses called it – that annoyed me somewhat!) hasn’t progressed much at all, and I for one think that that has much to do with the way she has combated this threat to her health.
She has an indomitable, indefatigable (© you-know-who…!) spirit of positive defiance that astounds me, and long may that last.
So, here’s to the next year – and whatever it may hold.
I’ll never forget that fateful day, one year ago today, when my darling, beloved Wife came home from a not-so-routine Doctor’s appointment. We both knew something was not right (not just not right, but well, wrong..) but the Docs couldn’t figure it out.
Her right leg had become weak, meaning that walking long distances had become difficult – not painful, but just difficult. Her right hip was affected too. We thought it might be a trapped nerve or something like that.
Various tests were carried out, a couple of MRI scans and blood tests galore.
She came back from that doctor’s appointment, burst through our front door visibly shaking, and in floods of tears. Eventually she said the words that would change both our lives forever….
“I’ve got MS. Multiple Sclerosis.”
Much tears and soul-searching ensued. I spent a few sleepless nights, worrying about the future and what that might hold. I can’t even contemplate how The Wife was feeling through all this….she certainly coped better than I did.
After the shock had worn off a wee bit, we knew we had to face up to it. The nurse had told her not to look at all the MS websites, as they can give a somewhat false impression of the condition, and after ignoring her advice and checking some of them out, I knew I should have listened! MS is a condition that is different for every single sufferer, and some of the websites paint a very black picture indeed.
Anyway, a year has gone by. She is still fit, active, and full of life and is as strong as ever.
Her condition (I’ll never, ever call it a disease, like one of the nurses called it – that annoyed me somewhat!) hasn’t progressed much at all, and I for one think that that has much to do with the way she has combated this threat to her health.
She has an indomitable, indefatigable (© you-know-who…!) spirit of positive defiance that astounds me, and long may that last.
So, here’s to the next year – and whatever it may hold.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Anyone here...?
*Opens door*
*Pokes head into room*
*Shouts "Hello? Is there anybody out there?"'*
*Waits for echo......*
*Hears "... ♪ on the horizon...orizon....izon....♪♪"*
.
.
.
*Shakes head, and closes door again, until tomorrow...*
*Pokes head into room*
*Shouts "Hello? Is there anybody out there?"'*
*Waits for echo......*
*Hears "... ♪ on the horizon...orizon....izon....♪♪"*
.
.
.
*Shakes head, and closes door again, until tomorrow...*
Friday, September 23, 2005
End Of Another Week...
Been real busy this past week or so.
The local seven-a-side league has started again, and after last season's wonderful achievements (we won the 2nd Division and the Champions Cup) I have resigned my post as Manager. Time is an issue just now...
The new season has got off to a bad start 10 goals conceded and only 1 scored. The 1st Division is going to be tough, right enough!
Moving on..
Had a visit from our mates Sneaky Les and Jeanette last week, and we went to see the neolithic burial chambers at Camster.
And have a deek at those clouds..!!
The Long Cairn
The Round Cairn
The Wife crawling into the passageway of the Round Cairn, with Sneaky Les in the foreground.
You'll notice that there are no 'photos of the inside...! There's a reason for this - no way was I going down that wee passageway..!
Anyway in other news, I was told 10 days ago that we'd be playing at the 3rd 'E-Rock Concert on the 24th (that's tomorrow!) so have been frantically trying to rehearse the new songs. It's not going well...
The last 'E-Rock Concert was a great success, raising cash for the local Nerve Centre, so hopefully this one can do the same. I'm shitting it already...!
A further point to consider is that tomorrow (24th) is The Wife's 6th Wedding Anniversary.
This means that all ideas of romantic candlelit dinners, and all that bullshit have been replaced by frantic rehearsals, and an evening for her which consists of going to a place she hates, sitting with a nervous, twitching, sweaty, probably not sober husband...!
Happy Anniversary, M'Dear!
The local seven-a-side league has started again, and after last season's wonderful achievements (we won the 2nd Division and the Champions Cup) I have resigned my post as Manager. Time is an issue just now...
The new season has got off to a bad start 10 goals conceded and only 1 scored. The 1st Division is going to be tough, right enough!
Moving on..
Had a visit from our mates Sneaky Les and Jeanette last week, and we went to see the neolithic burial chambers at Camster.
And have a deek at those clouds..!!
The Long Cairn
The Round Cairn
The Wife crawling into the passageway of the Round Cairn, with Sneaky Les in the foreground.
You'll notice that there are no 'photos of the inside...! There's a reason for this - no way was I going down that wee passageway..!
Anyway in other news, I was told 10 days ago that we'd be playing at the 3rd 'E-Rock Concert on the 24th (that's tomorrow!) so have been frantically trying to rehearse the new songs. It's not going well...
The last 'E-Rock Concert was a great success, raising cash for the local Nerve Centre, so hopefully this one can do the same. I'm shitting it already...!
A further point to consider is that tomorrow (24th) is The Wife's 6th Wedding Anniversary.
This means that all ideas of romantic candlelit dinners, and all that bullshit have been replaced by frantic rehearsals, and an evening for her which consists of going to a place she hates, sitting with a nervous, twitching, sweaty, probably not sober husband...!
Happy Anniversary, M'Dear!
Thursday, September 08, 2005
People From Dundee....?
Stumbled across some funny stuff on the internet over the years, and here's another example!
Be warned though, there are sweary-wordies, and a broad Dundee accent involved, so those of a nervous disposition shouldn't proceed....!
Just press the 'Play' icon!
*Edit - Content removed as now obsolete.*
-->
I know I wouldn't want to be 'June' when 'Aggie' get's her hands on her!!
*Many thanks to Dumpdee.co.uk for the laughs!This is the first time I've tried embedding, so let me know if it works or not! Got my fingers crossed!
Be warned though, there are sweary-wordies, and a broad Dundee accent involved, so those of a nervous disposition shouldn't proceed....!
Just press the 'Play' icon!
*Edit - Content removed as now obsolete.*
-->
I know I wouldn't want to be 'June' when 'Aggie' get's her hands on her!!
*Many thanks to Dumpdee.co.uk for the laughs!This is the first time I've tried embedding, so let me know if it works or not! Got my fingers crossed!
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Save Our Trees!
So, they've decided to cut down our trees (well, they're not ours, just the ones that are in the town square) because the birds are congregating on them, and shitting on the ground, which causes an awfy smell?
Jesus H! What are the council road sweepers for? Should they not be clearing the mess up, rather than just cutting down all the trees? Or even get rid of the birds! We could get a council cat to patrol the area. All it would cost is the frequent rescue fees from the fire brigade!
What purpose do these birds serve? W£hat the fuck are they for?
A couple of weeks of pot-shots from the local rifle club, and we'd be rid of them for good. But no, the council wouldn't spend their (or should I say, our) cash on cleaning the corpses from the streets, would they?
No, they'd far rather shift the problem sideways and just cut down all the trees.
Where do they reckon these flocks of starlings will go? Do they seriously think that they'll all just shuffle off back to their nests like a football crowd going home after an abandoned game? No, they'll migrate to the nearest group of trees, probably down by the riverside, where they'll continue to stink up the place.
Despite what it says in the above article, there's nothing wrong with the trees - they are pretty much perfectly healthy.
This is just idiotic council cost-cutting of the laziest kind.
Jesus H! What are the council road sweepers for? Should they not be clearing the mess up, rather than just cutting down all the trees? Or even get rid of the birds! We could get a council cat to patrol the area. All it would cost is the frequent rescue fees from the fire brigade!
What purpose do these birds serve? W£hat the fuck are they for?
A couple of weeks of pot-shots from the local rifle club, and we'd be rid of them for good. But no, the council wouldn't spend their (or should I say, our) cash on cleaning the corpses from the streets, would they?
No, they'd far rather shift the problem sideways and just cut down all the trees.
Where do they reckon these flocks of starlings will go? Do they seriously think that they'll all just shuffle off back to their nests like a football crowd going home after an abandoned game? No, they'll migrate to the nearest group of trees, probably down by the riverside, where they'll continue to stink up the place.
Despite what it says in the above article, there's nothing wrong with the trees - they are pretty much perfectly healthy.
This is just idiotic council cost-cutting of the laziest kind.
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